Illuminated Jetbib Feeding System

The Illuminated Jetbib Feeding System is a brilliant baby bib that hit the market in 2010. From what I can deduce, it was first sold via Thinkgeek.com. This is an oldie but goodie. I had tweeted about this two years ago. I was reminded about it this week, which is why I’m writing about it now.

As you can see from the picture below, it is a baby bib that features a runway with blinking LED landing lights and an airplane with a detachable spoon on the front. It’s the perfect companion to any parent who loves to things like, “Here comes the airplane in the hangar!” The airplane has blinking lights on the wings, and comes with three detachable spoons.

I just love it! I enjoy the gag about the airplane coming into the hangar, even though I don’t have any kids. I’ve always thought it was a funny line to say to someone who doesn’t want to taste what you’re asking them to eat. If I did have a baby, you can bet that I’d get one of these bibs. It is simply too awesome not to! Heck, I’d be happy just to have the airplane and spoon.

The bib cannot be laundered since it is battery powered. That is a convenience issue, but this a novelty item, so it’s not as though you would be using it every day. The cleaning limitations are mentioned in a short product video that I found on YouTube.

Unfortunately, it looks as though the Jetbib has been discontinued, but not necessarily yet out of stock. From what I found find at the time of this writing in March 2014, a few are still available from uncommongoods.com. Get one now before the last one flies off the shelf.

Jetbib

FDR: American Badass

I’ve been on a kick of watching really dumb movies lately. The more dumb movies that I watch, the more Netflix recommends them to me. Some of them look so absurd that I can’t resist watching at least part of them to see if they are any good.

This brings me to the latest movie that I watched over the weekend. It’s called FDR: American Badass. The movie title and poster caught my attention immediately. The description on Netflix reads as follows:

After contracting polio from a werewolf bite, FDR won’t stop at single-handedly ending the Great Depression and prohibition. With the help of a team of historic figures, he must claim victory in World War II by defeating an army of Nazi werewolves.

Barry Bostwick plays Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Despite the fact that this is a slapstick comedy, Bostwick is actually a really good fit to play FDR. He looks the part, and his acting is really good when he isn’t making a complete fool of himself. That said, the vast majority of the things that he says and does are totally insane.

Lin Shaye plays Eleanor Roosevelt. As soon as I recognized her, I knew what kind of movie I was dealing with. She has played in a countless number of crazy roles in other comedies. If you know her, then you would know what I’m talking about. She plays the role of Eleanor well, and her character is surprisingly written to be a little saner than the others.

The movie begins in the woods, where then governor Roosevelt is hunting with some other men. A werewolf chases them down, and a comically absurd shootout and fight scene ensues. FDR is bitten in the leg and wakes up in the hospital with polio and can no longer walk.

He decides to run for president. His travels and campaigning were funny, and were written to make some sort of sense. After he is elected, the movie loses a bit of direction and the passage of time was not very clear. It seemed as though 15 minutes after he takes office in the movie, he is suddenly in his last term, with little to no explanation of the middle part.

The first half of the movie was hilarious. It seemed more thought out than the later portion. At some point in the middle, it seemed like the actors began making it up as they went along, with their driving motivation being to do the craziest thing they could think of. The overuse of gratuitous profanity was hit and miss. I’d bet that a good portion of it was ad-libbed. The shock value of their language wore off after a while.

Many jokes are made at the expense of his shrunken polio legs. It is brought up many times. When he would uncover his legs, the camera would cut to the image of quivering little baby legs.

In what was likely the craziest scene in the movie, a White House secretary seduces him. Before you know it, she hoses his legs down with ketchup and mustard, and proceeds to rub them up and down while he howls in delight. That scene was so unexpected and so ridiculously over the top that I was screaming laughing. I had to pause the movie I was laughing so hard.

The split screen scenes with the world leaders talking on the phone did not amuse me very much. Likewise with the whole sequence involving Abraham Lincoln. I know that this is a crazy comedy, but Abraham Lincoln had no business being in this movie. I think that whole segment should have been scrapped.

Overall, I liked the movie. It is completely and utterly ridiculous in every way. You have to want and expect that type of movie going in, or you’re not going to like it. If FDR himself could watch this movie, I would imagine that he would not be very happy about it.

I gave it 3 out of 5 stars on Netflix. My liking is closer to a 3.5, but half stars aren’t allowed. Since portions of the movie fell flat, I rounded my rating down to a 3.

FDR American Badass

Legendary Legs in the Dirt

Way back in the day, my family pulled a legendary April Fools Day prank. The year was 1990.

At a road construction site in Wilmington, there was a large wall of dirt that had been piled up. We took a pair of jeans, put them over some 2x4s, and nailed on an old pair of shoes. On the morning of April 1st, we took the mock legs to the site and buried them in the dirt, sticking out for passersby to see. Once we had the legs firmly in place, we went back to the car to take some pictures. While at the car, a surprised motorist stopped and got out of his car. He pointed to the legs and shouted, “It’s an effin’ dead body!” It was all we could do not to laugh. Classic!

I don’t remember how long those legs stayed there that day. I’m sure that we drove past the site a few times to check on them. This was the best prank that we ever did. I’m so proud of this stunt. The legendary photo of the legs is below.

Legs in the dirt

Congregate to Defecate

It seems to be a universal truth that whenever two men are in a public bathroom together, they are to stay as far apart as possible. This rule is firm, and applies across the board to all bathroom acts: Peeing, crapping, hand washing, and coffee pot rinsing. My problem is that despite having received unanimous agreement from everyone I’ve ever mentioned this to, I often have quite a different experience when I’m in an actual bathroom.

For instance, I can be behind closed doors in a bathroom stall when lo and behold, some idiot struts in and cozies up to the urinal that is directly adjacent to my stall. He’s so close that his shoes practically penetrate the boundary of my personal space. I can literally stare at his twitching foot while I’m sitting on the commode. This is horrible! Why do men do this repeatedly, when there are other toilets that are farther away from me?

Continuing the Men’s room rule: If there are a line of urinals in the bathroom, do not for any reason come and stand next the one I’m using. Everybody knows that! Everybody, except for half the men I encounter in an actual bathroom! What is wrong with you people? Let me be clear. I never want to stand shoulder to shoulder with anyone and urinate together. Ever!

Furthermore, men, when you’re relieving your bladders, it isn’t necessary for you to deliberately force out a fart while you do it. I mean, really. One may slip out here and there, but to proudly fire off your farts amongst strangers isn’t the least bit appreciated, I can assure you.

I’ve also noticed that a man who is occupying a stall will start blowing their nose when I walk in the bathroom. They’re obviously making a halfhearted attempt to cover up the sound of their sputtering ass. I have news for you fellows, you’re not fooling anyone. You’re noses are almost never clogged, and besides, I can still hear the painful echos of your bloody diarrhea throughout the bathroom.

And another thing. If I’m already in a stall minding my own business, don’t come waltzing in the bathroom and fiddle with the sink for 10 minutes. I have this experience regularly. Men walk in the bathroom and begin rinsing the coffee pot or their lunch containers, and run the water at full blast for what seems like an eternity. All while combing their hair, or staring in the mirror performing some other mindless ritual. This is a public bathroom, not a shower or a kitchen! Get the hell out!

I can’t imagine a single man disagreeing with me on what I’ve just wrote. Still, I say this knowing that tomorrow, one of the terrible sequences of events mentioned above will inevitably transpire before me yet again. Good grief.

Picture Your Head in a Freezer

Google this number: 241543903.
Click Image Search.
Then stick your head in a freezer.

I read the above instructions on Twitter, and did just that. This is a gag that has apparently been making the rounds online for a while. Basically, people have been taking pictures of their head in a freezer and uploading them with the tag “241543903.” It’s such a specific search term that all you see are these silly pictures.

I had to make one myself! My brother was in town and helped me stage some funny pictures with my freezer. Adding to the amusement, my cousin got on-board and coaxed her son to put his head in a freezer, too! Hilarious! I uploaded my best photo to Flickr and tagged it appropriately. Now I have to sit back and wait for Google to index it.

Below you will see the picture of my head in my freezer. Even better, what you actually see is a printout of the picture, stuck to the front of my freezer, and staged with my awesome Photoshop refrigerator magnet set! That makes it a double joke. I’m so proud of this creation!

My Head in a Freezer